How to Help an Alcoholic Partner

Last Updated:

January 13th, 2026

Across the country, countless relationships have been placed under strain by one partner’s drinking. One UK survey found that over half of all adults have had a partner or family member with a drinking problem, while nearly one in four worry about their current or ex-partner’s alcohol use.

If you’re living with an alcoholic partner, please remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Follow this article for support in navigating the tempest of addiction, for your own well-being and your partner’s future.

How relationship dynamics change when a partner is addicted

The things we consider as normal in a relationship can be significantly affected when one is suffering from an alcohol use disorder (AUD). Energy that would normally go into mutual growth and shared goals is instead spent in search of short-term stability. Milestones of a healthy relationship, like trust and emotional closeness, sadly fall to the wayside.

A painful cycle often follows: one partner grows anxious and tries harder to make the other stop drinking, while the drinker feels scrutinised and retreats further. Both partners are then tormented by the cycle they’re in, where conflict and guilt revolve entirely around the addiction.

The partner without an addiction absorbs most of the tension, only to become emotionally and physically drained, developing anxiety, burnout, or even depression.

Recognising this dynamic is an important step. It shows how addiction pulls at the threads of healthy relationships and why healing must extend to both partners.

What signs of alcoholism can I look for in my partner?

Every relationship dynamic is different, and it is not always clear-cut whether alcohol use has developed into dangerous dependency.

However, there are some overt signs to watch for. The earlier you spot the signs, the sooner you might be able to get the help you both need:

New patterns and motives behind drinking

There may come times when your partner willingly or unknowingly looks for new reasons to drink. Rather than just social gatherings, they might turn to drinks after arguments, stressful days, or moments of boredom. They may say these out loud, or you may quietly notice them yourself. New and surprising reasons to drink can be early signs that alcohol is becoming a dangerous coping mechanism.

Alcohol taking priority

You and your partner have your own specific rituals and routines that show love and dedication. Yet when alcoholism is left unaddressed, you might find your partner choosing drinking over your special times together. Dates and outings are foregone, and drinking becomes the only source of enjoyment for them, which can feel heartbreaking.

Growing tension in sobriety and withdrawal

Periods without alcohol can reveal just as much as the times when they drink. Have you noticed that they’re more irritable, or outright hostile, when they don’t have access to alcohol? This shows that their body and mind are struggling to adjust to sober times. For you, their mood shifts can make home life unpredictable, leaving you feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around their emotions.

How can I approach my partner in a considerate way?

The way in which you approach a conversation about your partner’s drinking might make the difference between them feeling supported or attacked. Even though you shouldn’t have to bend to the whims of their intoxicated outlook, staying patient and keeping your goals in mind will give you the best chance of getting through to them:

Choose your timing carefully: Think of the time in the day or week when they’re most likely to be sober and receptive. Even though your partner might seem to be more open after a drink, they’re likely only telling you what you want to hear if you talk to them while they’re under the influence.
Reflect on your personal boundaries: Before speaking, think honestly about the aspects of your relationship that you can and can’t accept. Write them down and share them with your partner, to help you stay grounded later if emotions run high or promises are broken.
Be ready with next steps: Look into their treatment options beforehand, such as local rehab services, therapy, or alcohol support groups. Having practical choices ready shows that you’re going out of your way to help them, once again.

What if I’m met with denial or anger?

Even with all the care and preparation in the world, your partner may still respond with denial or defensiveness. When that happens, it can feel like all your effort has been for nothing, as though you’re speaking to a complete stranger.

It might help you to make mental room for this kind of reaction from them. Their addiction is clouding their judgement, and even the most heartfelt concern can sound, to them, like a bitter accusation.

What matters most is that you speak from your heart. Even if they don’t accept your help and you need to make critical decisions, you can take solace in knowing you opened up and showed them the extent of help you were offering.

How can I protect my own well-being on the journey?

Supporting a partner through addiction can be emotionally draining, and you need to make conscious steps to support your own health. Remember, their willingness to accept help, and their recovery is a decision they make.

Setting limits without giving up on them

Boundaries are essential, not a sign of abandonment. You can care deeply for your partner while also protecting yourself from the harm caused by their behaviour. You can tell them that you aren’t shutting them out for good, but you won’t abide their choices that put you at risk.

Accepting what you can’t (and can) control

You can’t force your partner to stop drinking, no matter how much you want to. What you can control is how you respond. Anytime conflict arises, use breathing exercises to help you stay calm. Don’t be afraid to tell them, “I need to take a moment away, I want to keep discussing this when you are sober.” Protecting your energy now means you can remain steadfast, if and when they decide to accept your help.

Reaching out for sources of support

You don’t have to face what you’re going through in isolation. Many people have been where you are and found comfort through support groups such as Al-Anon, therapy, or talking with trusted friends and family. Sharing your experience with others can bring perspective and remind you that help for partners can be just as important as it is for those with the addiction.

Where can I get help for an addiction in my life?

If your partner’s drinking has affected your life, or if you’re struggling with alcohol yourself, don’t choose to go through it alone. Reaching out for support isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re ready for change.

At Linwood House, we provide professional detox for alcohol, and rehabilitation programmes designed to help individuals overcome alcohol addiction and rebuild healthy, fulfilling lives. Our team combines clinical expertise with compassionate care for therapy, education and family support to promote long-term recovery.

Reach out to Linwood House today and take the first step towards a safer, healthier future for both you and your loved one.

(Click here to see works cited)

“Press Release: Is Your Drinking Putting Your Health and Relationships at Risk?” Alcohol Change UK, alcoholchange.org.uk/blog/press-release-is-your-drinking-putting-your-health-and-relationships-at-risk
“Does Alcohol Make You Argue with Your Partner?” Drinkaware, www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice-and-support/help-to-reduce-drinking/alcohol-in-the-home/does-alcohol-make-you-argue-with-your-partner