How to Help an Alcoholic Friend

“Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends”

Virginia Woolf

A good friend is there for us when we are at our best and our worst. They may see us cry with pain or elation, always standing beside us like a rock when we are about to fall.

It is believed that more than 608,000 people in the UK are alcohol dependent. For too many people, alcoholism plagues friendships and tears at the fabric that holds every relationship together.

We will guide you through recognising the signs of alcoholism in a friend and show you how to offer support while protecting your own well-being as you do so.

Are most friendships strained when alcoholism is involved?

The short answer is yes, most people do, at some point, struggle to deal with a friend or loved one’s drinking. Alcoholism rarely ever only affects the person who is drinking. Alcohol’s propensity for addiction will ripple outwards into relationships with family members, partners and dear friends. The bonds between friends, in particular, can take a backseat when alcohol becomes a dominating force in a person’s life.

You may have recognised new, disturbing signs of alcoholism in a close friend. The person you used to spend your recreational time with and laugh with might be turning into someone you simply don’t recognise, when they drink. It is always frightening to witness such dark changes in someone who is dear to you.

Research shows that substance use will significantly disrupt personal relationships. Research from the British Medical Journal found that nearly one in five adults has been harmed by someone else’s drinking, be that emotionally, physically, or financially. While romantic and family relationships are often prioritised in support services, friendships can suffer just as deeply.

If your friend is battling alcohol addiction, know that your care and presence may function as an anchor to their ship, as the storm of alcohol addiction sways them. Confusion and frustration may be more common in your friendship than you ever thought possible, but please recognise that you are not alone. With the right support, your friend can recover.

What holds people back from helping an alcoholic friend?

Not all of us are lucky enough to grow up with supportive parents, or role models, or even a support system of people who have our best interests at heart. Often, when we establish a true, deep friendship, we can love that person as deeply as we would our own kin. They may plug the holes we felt we were missing when we were growing up, taking the role of a parent, a sibling, or someone we can simply laugh and cry with, whether that involves alcohol or not.

Just like the rising tempest of anxiety when we try to give unsolicited help to an addicted family member, helping an alcoholic friend can feel like treading a tightrope. A person can be held back when they imagine the worst outcome possible, which is losing them as a friend. We might see a drug or alcohol addiction developing in a friend and simply dismiss it, or tell ourselves we’ll help them tomorrow. Yet this, in a way, constitutes us avoiding the problem with them. A worse outcome than a broken friendship may be a spiralling alcohol addiction with a fatal outcome.

While it is not always easy to act today and risk upsetting someone we care about, a small sacrifice made today may be the lifeline that our dear friend needs, whether they want to admit it or not.

So, how can we spot alcoholism in a friend, for certain?

How can I recognise the signs of alcohol dependency?

Not all of the signs of alcoholism developing in a friend will appear in obvious ways. Alcoholism has the tendency to make a person hide away from the truth and make excuses for their self-inflicted pain. We understand that you may be anxious about getting through to them, but you could be helping them in ways you might not even realise.

Here are some of the signs to watch out for:

How can I open the conversation empathetically?

As we have outlined, the forces that so often hold us back from speaking our minds to a struggling friend are powerful. We might catastrophise and imagine them becoming defensive, even to the point of breaking the friendship.

However, there are some principles you can apply to your sensitive conversation that still reaffirm your love and care for them, even under such weighty words:

• Choose the right time and place: Wait until they’re sober and pick a private, quiet setting where you can both talk openly, away from alcohol.
• Stay calm and present: Speak with honesty, not judgement. Try not to rush, react, or make it a confrontation.
• Be specific in your examples: Share what you’ve seen and how it’s made you feel, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.

Taking care of yourself while helping

You may have started the initial conversation with your friend and you know that positive changes will likely be found over time. During this time, you need to make sure you take care of yourself, so you can continue to help them, in return.

Here are some ways you can support them, without enabling their actions around alcohol:

Where can I find help for my alcoholic friend?

Helping a friend through alcohol addiction is never easy, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Professional support can make all the difference, not only for your friend’s recovery but for your own peace of mind too.

At Linwood House, we offer evidence-based treatment for alcohol addiction that’s compassionate, confidential and tailored to each person’s needs. Whether your friend is ready for detox or still uncertain about their next steps, we can help them find clarity and support at their own pace.

Get in touch today to speak with our admissions team and explore your options. Your friend’s journey to recovery can begin with you.